i know i've written about this so much before. i guess the idea of it has always been a big part of my life. i've always let fear dictate my actions. somehow i would attempt to avoid such fears turning into realities, yet i would screw up in the process? and all at once, every fear that dominated my mind came true. some people just had bad timing proving my fear was right. other times it was me bringing it upon myself.
though my mind has blown up the last few weeks into something much worse than it actually is, life has more recently felt as though it's reached it's lowest. any effort i put into anything would mean absolutely nothing at all. words never seemed so empty. life was a lie. drastic, no?
but still, with that outlook on life in mind, it was like nothing could get any worse. the only way to go was up. and i looked at my life. with all the good. and with all the bad.
it's not that bad.
not ideal.
but not that bad.
a part of me will always want what i lost back. it will always be a part of me. and there will be times when i miss it terribly. but i'm okay.
it surprised me how okay i could be.
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