Saturday, January 30, 2010

Nyquil sucks.

All I wanted to do was take some Nyquil and knock out until 7 tomorrow. After a disgusting mouthful of it and less than 4 hours of sleep, I am already awake again.

I just want sleep.
I'm sorry if I am grumpy.

I am simply the worst person in the world when I don't get it.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Hey, it's the 26th of January.

Do you ever find yourself sitting around with your friend (or group of them) and not a single word is exchanged? And in all that time while you're just sitting there, you're still feeling quite happy with everything. Sure it may not be the most exciting moment you could potentially have and probably won't seem like it would be the most memorable to anyone else. But you are happy, so what else really matters?

That's the thing. Just being around you makes me really happy, even if we aren't going on some cool adventure through the zoo or at the beach. I was cursed with a default look of boredom. So often, when people see my default look they automatically think I am bored or unhappy, but I most likely am not. I like to people-watch and sorta take in the world around me. And in those moments, I am usually not talkative and my default look comes around. But yeah.. that's just how my face is. It sounds strange, I know.

You should know that with you, I am always happy. (Unless we somehow manged to have a real fight.)

Throw in some paper and a box of crayons and life couldn't be better.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Go back.

Since I'm not fully satisfied with what I am writing tonight, I will just say this..

See blog entry from July 4th, 2009.


...when the tips of my hair barely touched the bottom of my ears?
...when I would listen to the RENT soundtrack nearly every day and somehow manage to quote a song in a blog entry?
...when chick flicks made me a hopeless romantic and I constantly hoped it would be me one day?
...when my favorite toy was my little Canon Powershot?
...when I was actually decent when it came to volleyball?
...when I would blog practically every day, sometime multiple times?
...when I still wore glasses and had braces?
...when I knit??
...when we always walked to Walgreens to buy food and just pig out?
...when we would take naps after school and nothing else?
...when the park always one of our most popular places to hang out?

I am being nostalgic when I really should be sleeping. (I blame you, Athena.) Looking back, I remembered some of the happiest, most wonderful times in my youth. It makes me want to jump on the bandwagon and gather up all of my old pictures that made me so very happy and put them together in one place.

But the thing is.. I am also in love with my present life.
While I may look back and find a lot of good times in the past, I don't think I would want to go back. I love my now. Everything and everyone in my now. I am a fortunate person, living a very wonderful life.

I am happy.
& life is good.

Life is hard, but life is good.

(I do not care if you get sick of hearing this because you will continue to hear it from me a lot. I think it became my motto in life at one point..)

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Rough Week.

The roughest.
I thought I would handle this better,
but clearly I cannot.

In actuality
I would love very much to run away.
But again,
I cannot.

I feel rather weak.
Helpless mostly.
And I am unsatisfied with the little help I can provide.
I should be able to do more.

In actuality, I am hindering myself
by wanting to forget.

I want to sleep,
but I cannot.

Unlike my usual problem,
I am not overthinking.
If anything,
I am not thinking enough.

I want to talk,
but I keep running out of words.
I want to scream,
but that's just not right.

I feel helpless.
Things change so quickly.

Rough week...

Friday, January 08, 2010


Life is hard, but life is good.

I feel as though I am asking You for the impossible.
But if anyone can help me, it's You.

Monday, January 04, 2010

List Contents.

I sat down and made a list,
and it was a lot longer than thirteen.
But you're not allowed to read it.
And neither is the rest of the world.
It's growing...

I felt really bad
when I couldn't think of the list on the spot.
I remember people saying
it should be easy to think of its contents
right away.
It's not for me.
I'm sorry.
I hope that doesn't trouble you.

It shouldn't,
and I will give my justification as to why.

I may not be able to think of the list
off the top of my head.
But when the moment comes,
I know it.
I feel it.
And in the moments,
I just want to scream it to the rest of the world.
Or at least to you.
But that would probably hurt your ears,
so I usually choose to refrain.

while the list's contents may take a while to think of,
I have no doubt of what it all leads to.

You make me happy
in a way no one else can make me happy.

Vague writings that probably turned out to not be so vague after all..

Sunday, January 03, 2010

Rats live on no evil star.

Today reminded me how much I love my life.

Thus far each day of 2010 has been awesome. Never mind the fact that only two days have gone by. It's been good. Two perfect days is better than none, so I'll take it. Thank You, God. Today would never have happened if it weren't for You.

I have good people. I think (besides the hermits that live on their own and do their own thing) people, for the most part, just need people. You have your people to get you through the day. People to hang out with. People to talk to. People to have listen to you. People to listen to. People to work with. People need people. And when you don't have those people, you sorta feel lost in the world. And you're looking for this something that seems a little hard to find.

Well, I have people. Not just any kind of people. I have good people.
In case I haven't said it lately... thank you, People.

Happy Palindrome Day! (01/02/2010)

PS. I was off. My palindrome had something to do with a mouse and the moon. The real one had rats and no evil star. Sigh...

Friday, January 01, 2010

Typical New Year's Rambles.

I think it's very nice to note that yesterday was the first New Year's Eve (maybe ever) in which I had no real regrets looking back. It was the first year in which I didn't have to look back and feel unaccomplished in some way.

Instead I can look back and see that I've found my group of friends who I can rely on for anything, in moments of laughter or tears. Some who have been there for the last 13 years, others for the last 7 months. I hiked mountains for the first time, but certainly not the last. I graduated from high school and finished my first semester of college. I somehow fell in love with my summer job and finally learned to feel comfortable in my own shoes. I spent 6 rather rough days in the Grand Canyon, yet managed to enjoy it enough to want to go back next summer. I fell for this pretty cool kid I like to brag about. When it comes to family... there is not a single bit of doubt in my mind that we love each other and will always be there for one another. What more can I ask for? When it comes to God, He's given me far more than I deserve and is my constant backbone. Even in the moments when I sadly forget that He's there.

I had plans to see the world this past year, or at least Europe. Clearly that didn't follow through. My life isn't very exciting or all that interesting to anyone else. But in the end, I suppose it doesn't really matter.

Above all else, I am happy.

PS. I shall refrain from any New Year's Resolutions because it would be the exact same list as last year's. Exactly. I still have some work left..