risky business.

she told us that in order to get anything really worthwhile in life, you have to take risks. the bigger the risk you take, the greater reward. but there always lies the chance of that big risk coming back and hitting you hard. you never really know how things will turn out. you just gotta take the risk.

i never took any big risks in life. no matter what situation i came to, i would always take the safer route. any fear i had within me forced me to play it safe and know with certainty that my life would turn out okay in one way or another. any risk that i did end up taking, never really turned out in my favor by the end. i look around and see some of my closest friends with the most amazing futures and i asked myself what the heck i did wrong to not achieve that greatest. i know very well that they deserve every ounce of happiness they receive in the future. but i don't know if i'll be so fortunate. i never stood up for myself. i never showed my fullest capabilities or my fullest potential. i accepted that i would never be nothing more than average, and for that, the future i see before me is simply average.

i don't know how to make me not so scared of taking a risk and trying new things. how do you stop yourself from being scared of things just going so wrong? telling yourself that everything is will be all right just doesn't seem enough.