realizations.

realizations come at random, different moments for different people. it can happen in car rides. it can happen when you stand in front of a mirror with your cap and gown on. it can happen when you look around and realize that you may never see the people sitting around you again. it can hit you when you look around and the memories of the last six years rush back from every where you look. it can happen when you take one final walk home.

how can you prepare for one moment for over half your life, only to let it slip past you? and as you mentally prepared yourself for the moment to come and the goodbyes to be said, none if it managed to sink in until it felt too late. i think it hurts because it doesn't feel real. i feel like i should still wake up and put on my polo shirt and walk to school like i have for the last six years.

i read a letter i wrote last year, saying that i was still a high school student. and that even though i may not like the administration or the subjects, i liked it because i felt incredibly safe. no matter how much i screwed up, it wasn't too bad. high school was a time for me to make mistakes and not let them get to me too much. i was jealous of that girl. i was so jealous of that girl who still had another year of high school to look forward to and live up to its fullest, while i just sat there with uncertainties of the future. and i realized all over again that i'm done with this part of my life.

i know my goodbyes aren't real goodbyes. i hope i never have to really say goodbye.
"never say goodbye, because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting."

i have the feeling that i'm gonna come across a lot of realizations all over again...