i felt a strange, and very sudden need to cry today as i watched an old friend today in class. i felt incredibly inadequate as both a person and a friend. every good feeling i had in the past weeks disappeared for those few moments. and only those moments. those moments when tears filled my eyes, not because of some lame staring contest, but from an ineffable kind of hurt. every broken promise i made came back to mind. everything i said i wouldn't do, i did.
i felt very proud when i had no right to. there you stood just radiating greatness, when it wasn't even your peak.
you were the only person who really knew me, when i didn't know who i was or how the heck i would really make it in this world. you stayed with me in all the times i screwed up and gave me encouraging words again. i stared at my phone many times, telling myself i would call you and talk like we used to. but i was always too scared. i'm scared it's too late for me to go back and try to fix all that i messed up.
i'm fine again, but i can't help but think still. it's what i do.
you're leaving soon to a far better life.
i'm just a waste of time.
i miss charlie and lola.