Life's box.

Think everything you own, specially all of the things in sprawled about in your room. It can be laying on the ground or sitting on the highest shelf of your closet. Now imagine that someone tells you that you must leave soon, and you can only bring so much stuff. The most important stuff. You look around and think of the main necessities: clothes, books, shoes, bed, computer, guitar, uke. But you take a look around and realize there's still a lot of stuff left: old cds, more books, boxes of pictures, frames of pictures, art projects from elementary school, your graduation gown from high school, 12 years of yearbooks. And all of this stuff isn't just sitting together in nice little piles for you to just pick up and take with you. It's scattered, and soon the thoughts in your brain are as well.

So you grab that box on the top shelf of the closet and you just start going through it. Then another box, and then another. And soon you look around you and realize that while you were trying to organize all of your stuff, you managed to do a really nice job at turning your room into a mess.

You start to categorize stuff and just stick them in boxes. Childhood knick knacks. Stuffed animals. High school essays and projects. Craft supplies. Clothes. Books. Pictures. Etc. And through all of this, you know some stuff must go, but everything has some memory of some sort. That's why you wanted to keep it in the first place. What are you supposed to do? You don't want to just let go of everything because letting go means forgetting and forgetting means losing the memories that you wanted so much to hold on to. And keeping one thing while throwing away another just makes you feel as though some things or people were just more important than others. What are you supposed to do?

How do people manage to find what's most important to them, throw them in a box, and just start all over?

I'm finding it hard to choose what to put in my life's boxes.

Spur of the Moment.

I wonder what the world would be life it everyone just acted on their feelings the moment it came about. People often tell others to calm down and just take to cool off when angry or to think things over when it comes to feelings of love. But what would happen if that never happened?

At first, I just thought that there would be a lot of fighting going on. People would be punching each other constantly and grudges would be held. Relationships would just be destroyed, and all love in the world would cease to exist.

BUT, that was just me thinking about what would happen if people simply acted on their feelings of anger. If people acted on their feelings of love, maybe they wouldn't be so scared to tell each other how they felt. Maybe they would apologize sooner and things could be better. Maybe you'd just see the world making a better effort to help one another out. Maybe people would just hug A LOT. Maybe grudges wouldn't be held on to for so long after all. Maybe things could be different.

Tonight is another night of what if's.

In case I haven't said it lately...

Thank you for hanging out with me, even though it usually just consists of us sitting in one of our cars and talking about random things. Thank you for not taking any crap from me and keeping me grounded. Thank you for saying the most perfect things at random moments. Thank you for not being annoyed at all of my constant text messages. Thank you for your constant willingness to be there for me the moments I just want to cry. Thank you for the wonderful memories you let me share with you in less than a year and for making me excited for the ones that have yet to happen. Thank you for being weird and making me laugh and helping me realize that I'm not the only weird one in our relationship. Thank you for making me smile, a lot. Thank you for not pulling away when all I want to do is just hug you and never let go.

Thank you for just being around in my life.
You really do not understand how much it means to me.

Options.

There's comes a point in life, when you start to wonder whether or not you should let go of someone or keep holding on. My choice was to keep holding on, hoping for something that may never happen. It meant that when I looked back I would have no regrets, and maybe she will want to come back. Be a friend again.

I know I've made my mistakes. I've made my apologies, and offered to be there if needed. I looked back on our history and found some wonderful memories and a wonderful person. I always wanted some kind of sign to help me make a better decision as to what I should do, to show me if there was ever any chance that things could get better.

Tonight I got my sign. Tears were shed in the past and the hurt always lingered. It probably still will, but tonight, I think it's time to let go.

Either choice hurts, but here's hoping this choice hurts less.

OK GO.

I've had those days and weeks when I've felt alone or just sick of dealing with life. And there have been moments when I turned to my friends to just vent. It wasn't necessarily asking for some kind of advice to fix the problems I had, but just to know that when life was rough, someone out there would listen to me or just have me for who I am.

And what I remember most of all was finding myself frustrated when I kept hearing, "It's gonna be okay!" I didn't want to hear that. I knew that when I would look at what appeared to be a crappy life six months from then, I would most likely be okay. But I didn't care about six months from then or even a week from that moment. I cared about that moment. I wanted this magical, immediate sense of happiness that I knew very well would not happen.

And so, whenever I see a friend going through a rough patch in their life, I refrain from saying that phrase that made me cringe so much. I hope they can understand that it's not because I am choosing to not be encouraging at the moment or optimistic. I just know that I cannot fully put myself in their shoes in times of unhappiness, but I sure can try.

So don't hate me for being hypocritical right now.. but, friend, it really will be okay. Life may not seem ideal for quite some time, and even then things may not seem to turn out as you had hoped. But everything is gonna be OH-kay.

Chin up, chum.