You know how there are some people in your life that you know will just always be there for you no matter what the circumstances are? You can be separated for weeks or months at a time, but when they're around, it's like nothing ever changed. And then there are the people you know are only in your life if you're physically around them. If not, you don't really have any contact with them. Your lives easily stray towards their own separate paths.
Then there's the person you were never quite sure of. It's those person who had the potential to leave forever, yet somehow managed to stay around and become a life long friend. Or it's the person you quietly hoped would always be there or at least show that they wanted to be there whenever life needed them around but seemed to choose not to in the end. This is the confusing one.
See, with the people who will clearly stay and clearly leave, you're able to brace yourself for the best or the worst. Your expectations allow you to not feel hurt when people walk out of your life. But I think the worst is wanting someone so badly to just be there and be your friend one more time like the way things used to be only to see that the past is the past. In some ways, life can never truly go back to the way things were, back to a time when you didn't yet know how to fully appreciate what you had. Realizing a person could be gone forever hurts. I'm not very fond of the idea of it.
But more recently, I'm seeing that a person can seem gone but can always come back to you. It's nice.
Just know, if you want, I'll always be here to do my best to be that friend who will walk back into your life. You're always welcome to come back and be my friend again too. There is no guarantee that this will go smoothly or that things will go back to the same old same old. I don't know if you can really guarantee anything in life, but I think it's worth a shot. I've missed you. I still do, friends.