Thoughts from Sunday

.. that I never got around to posting.

I think from all the people I've met in my life, it's a good 50/50 when it comes to their opinions on rain. I know it's has gloomy colors and ruins your suede shoes and people are significantly more dangerous on the roads. But past all of that, there's just this magic behind rain.

When you're walking in the rain and you're freezing.. The shoes you are wearing are now soaked to the soles and your messy hair is everywhere, and make up is nonexistent. And you finally get out of it feeling damp, like a mess of vulnerability. Yet when you find someone who still cares for you behind this mess that stands before them and still pull you in for a hug, it's just amazing.

Plus the following add to its awesomeness:
walking through puddles in rain boots
practically no lines at Disneyland
the sound of raindrops on the rooftop of your car
snuggling up with hot cocoa
snogging in the rain. (haha just kidding.. maybe. The Notebook!)



Today was probably the most amazing weather Southern California has had in a while. The morning was so very crisp and the San Bernadino Mountains looked amazing. But I am very much excited for a rainy season ahead.

Current Psyche.

-My own hypocrisy never ceases to amaze me. It frustrates me. And I never really let myself change, I partly don't think I can and also just don't want to. I need to work harder on being a better person. I honestly don't remember the last time I bothered trying to improve myself. Selfish, really. But mostly laziness.

-I am tired. Not just because I got used to going to sleep before 11 the past 2 nights. I'm just tired of each day. I'm bored already.

-Definitely not looking forward to Thursday. Cause Thursday is a school day. It's like my old Wednesdays for me. The same way Tuesdays are my new Mondays. There is only one good thing about my Tuesdays and Thursdays and that usually only lasts an hour, if that. If I could make myself not care about responsibilities, I would make that good thing last the rest of the day. That would be nice.

-The one thought that stuck out to me at work today was that I need a vacation. A long one. Haha, like that will happen.

-I sound awfully pessimistic, don't I? I'm not unhappy. Don't for a minute think that. I am just very, very tired and so it's just dominating my writing.

Okay.. goodnight, world.

You talk of how the world is unfair,
never gives you what you want,
and takes you for granted.

But you never really saw
how you could hurt the rest of the world.

You forgave some
and still hated others.
But did you ever notice
that the ones you forgave, apparently hurt you
and the ones you hated, you continually hurt?

I watched it all
but looked away.

I can only listen for so long,
and help so much
before it all takes its toll.

You always thought that no one would understand that
taken-for-granted-hurt you felt.

I do.

The hurtful world has so much left to learn.
So do you, friend.

(I may or may not dramatize things. Okay, I dramatize a lot, but still.. )

Romanticized.

Today in English, we read a short story about a girl who just romanticized everything she saw in life and how it was sad that she was unable to see the sad reality that lay right in front of her. And then my professor went on to say, "Well, if you think about it, all of you romanticize your own lives. Not just with love, but you romanticize you, as a person. You all think you're smart and mature now with great relationships. Take another look and maybe you'll see just how romanticized everything is." What. the. eff.

Well, he's right. I romanticize a lot about my life.
And I'm okay with that.

If I weren't so tired and hungry, I would attempt to write some nice, romanticized prose about all of this. But I won't.