recognize.

so many moons ago, i had to take tests on what was most important to me, such as family or health or money or a good career. and on that list was also recognition. me being me, i honestly never thought of recognition as being a major factor on that list. it seemed too selfish.

but life has continued, and i realized recognition really is up there for me, no matter how selfish that may make me appear. i've gone through life never really being the best at what i do. or even good enough to possibly stand out in the crowd. so there it is... i just lived life sort of in the shadow, whether it was in school, at work, or in volleyball. and i thought was okay with that this whole time, but really, it sorta eats you up inside. you want to know that your actions have made a difference somehow. and there have been times in life when i did not feel that. mark twain was right when he said he could go three months on a good compliment. a little recognition for what i've done in life goes a long way, and lately it's hard to find any of it with all of my nostaligic thinking and questioning over what the hell i've done with my life before i graduate.

sometimes it's rather nice to know your existence means something to someone out there. that you've made a difference in some way or another.