Friday, January 13, 2012

I am happy.

I gotta be honest, today was rough. That last few days have been, actually. There were very little moments when I wasn't thinking about what task I needed to do next or where I needed to walk to. I found myself constantly scribbling notes and lists to myself on my pastel stack of post its that I keep in the front pocket of my bright blue backpack.

And throughout the day, all of it was just catching up with me. The frustration towards myself for sleeping in and missing class, the lack of relief I felt when finally turning in my papers, the sheer terror inside when telling my counselor that I don't know what I want to do yet when I graduate. There were moments when it honestly felt like too much.

I can't really explain it, but just minutes ago, I suddenly felt very excited for my future.

There's plenty to be scared of, but so much more to look forward to. And I think a lot of it has to do with the trust that I feel is slowly growing in God. I've never felt His love for me stronger than I feel at the present. And with that love, I trust I have for His plans magnifies in ways I've never felt before. He's given me an endless list of just plain good to smile about. How could I not have faith that He will provide it to me in the future? They may not be exactly what I had in mind, or seem ideal at the time, but He knows what's best.

I am happy for the wonderful people in my life.
I am happy for the opportunities laid in front of me. (I may or may not have just looked if I was using the grammatically correct form of lay in the past tense. I was right.)
I am happy for God's love and my ability to see it more in the everyday.

There's a lump in my throat that I can't really explain. It's similar to one I feel when I want to cry. It's possibly some leftover from when I was bawling my eyes out while watching 50/50 (amazing movie, btdubs). Or it could be my strange desire to cry at just how beautiful life is.

tl;dr I am happy.

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