Saturday, February 12, 2011

I think that one of the things people are always in a search for is that little sense of reassurance. You go through life and find yourself hurt by others, whether it was intentional or not. Or, your own thoughts manage to betray you. So you search for that reassurance of knowing that everything will be okay in order to fight the insecurities that get bottled up inside. Fears. Doubts. Jealousies..

And the thing about your own insecurities is that they are damn near impossible to rid yourself of. If it was easy, then I wouldn't even be writing about them in the first place. Any third party can quickly say something like "Don't be jealous of that girl. She isn't nearly as pretty as you." or "Stop stressing, everything with work out just fine.." But all of your rationality left you long ago..

So what do you do? Call up a friend for a long talk or go visit someone you hadn't seen in a few days just to confirm that things are okay. And some nights, those phone conversations help. You can go to bed feeling much better, calmer. Other nights, you are left driving home with questions after question going unanswered with each red light you are stuck at.

Tonight, all I can do is hope and pray and let God take care of me. Tonight, I still feel pretty insecure.

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