Will you even read this? I'm not sure.. I feel like writing to you anyway. Right now I'm in the process of finishing up my take home philosophy final which finishes up my first year of college. It doesn't feel like some exciting memorable moment or anything. I just want to be done, so I can free my mind of some responsibilities for a while. I remember sitting around with you and talking about me going off to college and how I was so indecisive on what I want to do or what I want to major in. And honestly, I haven't changed. If anything, I'm at a greater loss more than ever before.
I feel very disconnected with the world right now. I mean.. life is good. I just don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do with it right now. I find me frustrated with such little things, but it always hits me hard for some reason. I'm always trying to find someone who will listen to me and help me figure out what I'm supposed to do. But I don't want people to be there for me just because I'm having a rough few days or because I'm asking them to be there for me. I want them to want to care enough to listen, not feel obligated to. I miss when we actually held real conversations because I didn't doubt that you just wanted to listen. I'm finding that to be rare with people.. Or maybe it's not rare and some part of me is pushing people away. I don't know.. maybe I'm forcing you to listen by writing this, and therefore I'm contradicting what I just said.
I'm just typing nonsense right now. I should get back to my philosophy final.
I miss talking to you. You feel so far away.